I am exhausted today, probably from all the unnecessary crying. Today I got a call from my daycare telling me I needed to come pick up my 3-year-old Hannah because she was hitting people among other things. To make this day crystal clear let me explain my background.
I am always getting a talking to at work because of my attendance. Granted this is called for, I do miss a lot between my own health problems and my kids getting sick. We are on a point system and I’m usually close to getting fired. So anytime I have to miss I tend to have anxiety over it.
Now this day there was 3 out of 5 people missing from work today. I already know it is going to be a crazy day.
Of course, this happens to be the day my daycare calls. Hannah is hitting other kids and teachers. She even threw rocks at a teacher. They had every right to call me to get her. However, instantly my mind starts to derail.
Is she kicked out forever? I should have asked while I was on the phone. Why do I never ask any questions?
What will I do if she is kicked out forever? I’ll have to quit my job. I don’t have enough PTO to take time to find another daycare. No daycare will want to take a kid who hits.
What will I do for money? I’ll have to figure something out.
Can I handle being home 24/7 with my girls? Hailey my 5-year-old starts kindergarten this year then it will just be Hannah.
This goes on the entire way to daycare, as I am crying like a baby. I’m so embarrassed, I am already having issues with Hailey not hitting just a separate issue. I can’t handle Hannah having issues as well.
I should be tougher on Hannah, she doesn’t hit me or act like this at home. However, since I’m usually dealing with Hailey I may not notice how easy I’m being on Hannah.
I finally get to the daycare and I’m still crying. I feel so bad she acted this way. They tell me she isn’t kicked out forever just today. Of course, the teachers hugged me because I’m a mess. They tell me Hannah is just having a bad day. Luckily my boyfriend Hannah’s dad was able to get off and took her home so I could go back to work.
I head back to work still not under control. I think no wonder Hannah is acting this way, I can’t even control my own emotions today.
I dive straight back into work and avoid everyone until I stop crying. I recommend focusing on your breathing. Lucky for me this isn’t the first time I have cried at work so they know the drill. When I finally got home Hannah told me she was sorry that she made me cry today.
Hannah is a amazing, funny and smart girl who is just having a hard time right now. All weekend we have talked about how we don’t hit. I made sure to correct any slightly unacceptable behavior.
Just in case any other moms out there gets this phone call, you are not alone. It doesn’t mean you are a bad mom. It doesn’t mean your kid is bad. It just means Hannah and I need to work together to help her succeed. So I’m going take a breath and try to figure this out.